Who's in awe of the IT guy?

So. Two stories.

The first story takes place in the coastal town of St Annes-on-Sea in north-western England. I have my mini-laptop with me, with its built-in webcam, but need a headset to go with Skype. One possible port available: USB.

So I walk into a self-proclaimed computer shop. There's a guy doing something technical in the workshop at the back. I decide to not waste his time and get straight to the point: "Hi, I'm looking for a USB headset."

"Pfirrrrpp," replies the guy, inhaling through his teeth in the manner of a middle-aged man caught masquerading as a specialist. "I've never seen one of those in the catalogue."

I resist the obvious reply ("Have you ever looked?") and believe his assurances that such fanciful technology doesn't exist.

Except that I don't. Instead I go to the shop over the road.

This place is different. Not much on the shelves, but two eager looking chaps behind the counter. I try a different approach. "Hi. Look, I've got this headset with the audio in/out jacks but my laptop only has a USB port. What do you think I should do?"

Hardly a moment's pause from the younger of the two techies. Then: "Have you thought about getting a USB headset?"

I play the part of the naïve technovirgin. Oh, does such a thing exist? How wonderful and how clever you are. Yes, if you can get me one by tomorrow morning, that would be perfect.

Job done.

Now, before all the Finns start laughing at how backward the British Isles can be in matters technical, let's cross-cut to Espoo, Finland.

Second story. Having got all Skype-happy on the young upstart mini-laptop, it would be nice to do the same on good ol' desktop. Headphones are no problem. I've got the ones with the audio in/out jacks, you know. But how about a webcam?

Hmmm. Webcam.

I walk into an electronics shop (expert [sic!], with a wonderfully web-savvy lower-case logo, for those who know) and find a USB plug-and-play webcam, no software necessary, no requirement specifications listed on the packet. I wander over to the counter and ask casually if this will work on Windows 2000.

The look the sales assistant shoots at his colleague tells me instantly that I am a contemptible technocaveman.

"Pfirrrrpp," the young guy inhales. Here we go again. No, he doesn't reckon it will. He has the schadenfreude smile of someone who senses that a painful clean install of Vista is imminent.

"Is there a webcam for Windows 2000," I persist, wielding my brontosaurus bone in self-defence. No, no. You need Windows XP or ... (significant pause) ... newer. So I believe his assurances.

Except that I don't. Instead I go upstairs to the department store (Anttila, for those who care). Avoiding the look of the sales assistant, which isn't too difficult as he's browsing facebook or something, I scan the shelves. Clearance offer on a webcam, special low price. Suits ... *drum roll* ... Windows 2000.

Thank goodness there's always an IT guy around when you need one, eh?